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“The Batty Patrol” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on March 30, 2018 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity, born on April Fool’s day and reared in raillery, an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back and this time the marvel from Boonetown runs for the looney bin rather than face the German’s latest and greatest invention—a bullet that can destroy a plane in one shot!

Once he got a taste of von Kruller, Phineas would be finished—according to the way the Krauts figured. But the Boonetown Prankster’s interest was in nuts, not doughnuts. And you can’t beat a combination like Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Disraeli, and Columbus when you’ve got Marshal “Carbuncle” Ney on the board of directors.

“Doin’s in the Dunes” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on January 26, 2018 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” You heard right! That marvel from Boonetown, Iowa is back! And this time we find that Knight of Calamity finds himself shrieking amongst the sheiks in “Doin’s in the Dunes” from the pages of the March 1936 Flying Aces.

Foreign Legionnaires, it was true, swallowed corosive cognac without batting an eye. But they choked when the Kraut Intelligence agents added Abd-el-Fizz to their diet. It was then that the action in Morocco got fast. And it got even faster when Phineas met Beni Hazzit—and let him have it!

“An Itch In Time” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on November 24, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“HAW-W-W-W-W!” You heard right! That marvel from Boonetown, Iowa is back causing more trouble than he’s worth! That Knight of Calamity manages to find not only the Boche’s ammo train, but a former victim of the ol’ Pinkham charm from his hometown now glad to seek revenge! How can he stop the Boche ammo train, escape the butcher of Boonetown, and capture the Rittmeister von Schnoutz? He does it all with mirrors—Find out in “An Itch In Time” from the pages of the January 1935 Flying Aces.

Phineas Pinkham turns palmist and predicts a dark fate for a certain major. But Phineas should have read his own palm first. His fate line would have showed him a bright future— bright like the bottom of a vat of tar!

“T.N.T. Party” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on October 27, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back and this time the marvel from Boonetown is caught between two woman and finds himself the guest of honor at a T.N.T. party! From the February 1936 issue of Flying Aces it’s “T.N.T. Party” (with Phineas serving the lemon!).

Now that the great Mata Hari had been filed away via a shooting squad, the guerre would be a lot easier for the Allies. Phineas knew that. But the Boonetown Bamboozler didn’t know that his John Henry was on the flight schedule for a high altitude solo trip—one without his Spad.

“Fallen Archies” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on August 25, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—it’s time to ring out the old year and ring in the new with that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors—Phineas Pinkham.

“POWERFUL KATINKA” had been upsetting the Allied apple wagon for days. Powerful Katinka was the name of a Heinie gun battery which had been set up about a mile from Mont Sec. The Yanks had christened it thus. It was no ordinary Archie battery but one that was more efficient than it had any right to be in the year 1918. The brass hats at Chaumont suspected that the Krupps had uncovered a tow-headed Teuton prodigy who had passed trigonometry at Heidelberg with an average of one hundred and fifty per cent. When shrapnel could tag a Spad, flying top speed, two out of three bursts, then something had to be the matter. In three weeks time, Powerful Katinka had sent five Allied ships to the cleaners via the scrap iron route. Of course Chaumont could only think up one slogan. Get that blankety-blank gun! They had not thought up how. That was up to the Air Force.

And you just know Pinkham’s gonna stick his nose or something in it!

The brass hats decided their auto was running on gas—but they didn’t mean gasoline! And though Phineas always claimed his ghost would come back to haunt Major Garrity, what chance had the Boonetownite’s spectre in competition with the ghost of last month’s English breakfast?

“Sea Gullible” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on July 28, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back and this time the marvel from Boonetown manages to wrangle himself a pass for leave but ends up fishing in the English Channel and reels in a Kapitan Poison in his deadly submersible!

Phineas goes down to the sea in ships—A Spad and a Short. The Boonetown Bamboozler wanted to knock off work and go fishing. But fishing in the Short proved short, and instead of knocking off work he knocked off a submarine.

“One Hun, One Hit, Three Errors” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on May 26, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” You heard right! That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back. Yes it’s the marvel from Boonetown, Iowa himself—Lieutenant Phineas Pinkham—and he scores with bounders and grounders!

The English team finds the diamond rather wet, and Phineas sacrifices to France the first time at bat. But hang around, fans, the game isn’t over yet! Von Bountz is the next one to fly over the plate—and he gets hammered into left field.

“Pfalz Teeth” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on April 28, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back—Yes it’s the marvel from Boonetown, Iowa himself—Lieutenant Phineas Pinkham! Red Riding Hun has been terrorizing the trenches and the Boonetown marvel concocts an ingenious plan to bring an end to their reign of terror!

Mice are bad. Trained mice are worse. But trained mice in the hands of Phineas Pinkham made even the long-suffering Garrity turn the color of an Irish flag.

“Dog Flight!” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on February 24, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back! The men of the Ninth had taken to an aged pooch of doubtful lineage that had wondered into camp. They had named him Rollo and even built him a diminutive Nissen hut in which to rest his weary bone. Sadly, Rollo’s days were coming to an end and it was Phineas who drew the duty of making sure Rollo went West.

Major Garrity wasn’t having a very good time. The Brass Hats were yelling at him so loud that he could have heard them if he’d been in the Sahara Desert without a phone. And Phineas Pinkham had taken to boiling black thread and hanging it up on the trees to dry. Yes, the whole war looked nuttier than a squirrel’s commissary.

“Rice and Shine” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on January 27, 2017 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back and this time the marvel from Boonetown is suffering from “yeller jaundice” as he puts it and makes the most of his condition by assuming the coolie guise of Flew Man Hooey in order to bring down RIttmeister von Beerbohm and his Flying Circus.

It was a red-letter day for Garrity. The Ninth Pursuit had bagged a Gotha, and Phineas had been shipped off to the hospital. The major lit a cigar and relaxed—but he should have known better. You would, wouldn’t you?

“Prop Eyes” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on September 30, 2016 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” You heard right! That marvel from Boonetown, Iowa is back and this time Phineas goes in for hypnotism!

Bump Gillis was crazy to let the Jerries force him down behind their lines. But the Jerries were crazy, too. For Bump was the hutmate of the incurable Boonetown jokester—and taking him away from Phineas was like wounding a sabre-toothed tiger’s wife

“Cinema Bums” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on February 26, 2016 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” You heard right! That marvel from Boonetown, Iowa is back with a tale of starry-eyed colonels with visions of Hollywood and hidden german gun placements. Can that Knight of Calamity manage to find the Boche’s long-range guns while placating a colonel who thinks he’s the next Cecil B. DeMille all while avoiding landing in a dank cell in Blois? Find out in “Cinema Bums” from the pages of the May 1935 Flying Aces.

Can a Pinkham reform? A certain high and mighty Wing colonel thought so. But the Ninth shook in its shoes. For the Boonetown wonder’s eyes were entirely too friendly when they rested on the colonel—friendly like the eyes of a surgeon when he hovers over a guinea pig with a meat axe in his hand.

“Hunbugs” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on January 29, 2016 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors is back and this time he’s fighting the war on two fronts—there’s a Boche Bat Patrol running riot in the Moselles and at the Ninth there’s a new recruit who wins every bet—that is until he comes up against the marvel from Boonetown, Iowa. From the July 1934 number of Flying Aces it’s “Hunbugs!”

Meet Lieutenant Ignatius Moots, newest member of the famous Ninth Pursuit. You may like him or you may not, but let us give you a tip—don’t ever bet with him. Phineas did!

“Scrappy Birthday” by Joe Archibald

Link - Posted by David on January 1, 2016 @ 6:00 am in

“Haw-w-w-w-w!” That sound can only mean one thing—it’s time to ring out the old year and ring in the new with that Bachelor of Artifice, Knight of Calamity and an alumnus of Doctor Merlin’s Camelot College for Conjurors—Phineas Pinkham. And it’s a festive one—It’s Major Rufus Garrity’s birthday and he’d like to keep it a secret, but it’s impossible to keep a secret from the Boonetown marvel!

It was a big anniversary for Major Garrity, and Phineas Pinkham wanted to wish him a happy birthday. Well, it wasn’t entirely Phineas’ fault that what he wished him was a Scrappy Birthday!

An Elmer Hubbard Bibliography

Link - Posted by David on December 18, 2015 @ 6:00 am in

This month we’re celebrating the talents of that pulp stalwart—Joe Archibald. Archibald wrote hundreds of stories for the pulps, both dramatic and humorous. His bread and butter it would seem was the humorous tale. He had long running series in several pulp titles. In the detective titles there was Alvin Hinkey, the harness bull Hawkshaw, in 10 Story Detective; Scoops & Snooty, the Evening Star’s dizzy duo, in Ten Detective Aces; and the President of the Hawkeye Detective Agency himself—Willie Klump in Popular Detective. While in the aviation titles he had the pride of Booneville—Phineas Pinkham in Flying Aces; and the one-two punch of Ambrose Hooley & Muley Spinks in The Lone Eagle, The American Eagle, Sky Fighters and War Birds!; and Elmer Hubbard and Pokey Cook in Sky Birds!


Joe Archibald also supplied illustrations for his Elmer Hubbard stories
as he was doing with the Phineas Pinkham howls in Flying Aces.

Archibald wrote the Elmer Hubbard stories as if they were letters Elmer was writing home to his friend Pete back in Rumford Junction, Maine. In these Billy Doos he tells Pete all about his adventures as a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Air Corpse—the hi-jinx he gets up to with his buddy Pokey Cook knocking around Paris and knocking down germans. All the usual Archibald humor abounds.

A listing of all the Elmer Hubbard stories.

title magazine date vol no
1931
Elmer of The Air Core Sky Birds Sep 07 6
Local Boy Makes Good Sky Birds Oct 07 7
Paree—And Busted Sky Birds Nov 07 8
Nitwit’s Nest Sky Birds Dec 07 9
1932
Elmer Knows His Groceries Sky Birds Jan 07 10
Assault and Flattery Sky Birds Feb 07 11
Chute The Works Sky Birds Mar 07 12
Elmer and His Tin Fish Sky Birds Apr 10 1
School Daze Sky Birds Jun 10 2
Duck Soup For Elmer Sky Birds Aug 10 3
Hedgehopper’s Heaven Sky Birds Sep 10 4
I.O.U.—One Ace Sky Birds Oct 11 1
Stick With Me, Elmer Sky Birds Nov 11 2
Sadder, But Not Wiser Sky Birds Dec 11 3
1933
Cook’s Detour Sky Birds Jan 11 4
Good Night, Nurse Sky birds Feb 12 1
To The Highest Kidder Sky Birds Mar 12 2
Kilt In Action Sky Birds Apr 12 3
Bullet Spoof Sky Birds May 12 4
Scent By Air Sky Birds Jul 13` 1
A Spree De Corpse Sky Birds Aug 13 2
I Cover The Western Front Sky Birds Sep 13 3
Spark Pugs Sky Birds Oct 13 4
Ain’t We Got hun Sky Birds Nov 14 1
Page Mr. Handley Sky Birds Dec 14 2
1934
Channel Skimmers Sky Birds Jan 14 3
The Vanishing Americans Sky Birds Feb 14 4
Uneasy Marks Sky Birds Mar 15 1
Three Flights Up Sky Birds Apr 15 2
By Hook or Cook Sky Birds May 15 3
The Tusk Patrol Sky Birds Jun 15 4
Hokus Focus Sky Birds Jul 16 1
Stormy Petrol Sky Birds Aug 16 2
Spy Crust Sky Birds Sep 16 3
France Formation Sky Birds Oct 16 4
Fudge Fight Sky Birds Nov 17 1
Yankee Boodle Sky Birds Dec 17 2
1935
The Oily Bird Sky Birds jan 17 3
Observation Bust Sky Birds Feb 17 4
Red Herrs Sky Birds Mar 18 1
Crash and Carrie Sky Birds Apr 18 2
Heir Attack Sky Birds Jun 18 3
Shoe Flyers Sky Birds Jul 18 4
Zoom With Bath Sky Birds Aug 19 1
Stars and Tripes Sky Birds Sep 19 2
Slip Screams Sky Birds Dec 19 3

 

We present as a bonus, Joe Archibald’s first tale of Elmer Hubbard. Elmer writes his first letter to Pete back in Rumford Junction telling him all about his first days in France as a second lieutenant in the U.S. Air Force with Pokey Cook.

Elmer Hubbard, second looie in the U.S. Air Force, hadn’t done what he did, he’d have been just a gold star in the window of Perkins & Biggers, Tires and Accessories, Rumford Junction, Maine. But let Elmer tell it himself—and don’t ask us how it got passed by the censor!

 

And check out these previously posted letters home from Elmer Hubbard of his exploits on the Western Front with Pokey Cook.

Duck Soup For Elmer

Rittmeister von Gluck was making things so tough on the tarmac where Elmer of the Air Corps parked his Spad that G.H.Q. threatened to move the whole drome back. But there was a very special reason why Elmer didn’t want that to happen—a reason named Gwendolyn. Now don’t get us wrong—Gwendolyn was no lady!

Channel Skimmers

There’s no stopping a pair of daring explorers like Elmer of the Air Corpse and Pokey Cook. This time they find themselves in England—but Pokey wants a bridge built across the Channel before he’ll go back. No stopping them? Well, not much!

The Varnishing Americans

If you thought Elmer Hubbard and Pokey Cook were a couple of wild Indians before, just wait until you see them with their war paint and feathers on! Even C.O. Mulligan had to listen to their war whoops with a smile.

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